MJ McClendon was the most influential instructor of my entire education. Between kindergarten and grad school, she stands out as the teacher who made the greatest difference in my life. In one sentence -- one single comment on an essay in English 101 -- she forced me to rethink my belief system from the bottom up.
As I recall, I had written a paper explaining why the death penalty was a great idea. I was able to positively defend my reasoning because Jesus had said, "an eye for an eye." (Yes, I quoted Jesus in an argument in a college assignment.) She circled that statement and wrote, "Check your source." That's it. That is the sentence that changed my life.
Luckily, I brought no fewer than three bibles with me to college, so upon my return to my apartment, I checked the reference edition of the New International Version only to discover that the eye for an eye stuff came from the Old Testament, and Christ didn't say a word until its sequel. And then I began to recall some of the lessons from Sunday school that taught me the purpose of Jesus' arrival on this planet was to dispense of the laws of the past, and that we now could be absolved of our sins through our Lord and Savior blah blah blah. This discovery completely rocked my world. The fire and brimstone message I'd listened to and believed for all of those years was in direct conflict with the words in black and white on the bible that had been waved around as the one and only manual for living a good and pure life.
I looked at what I'd written and began literally cutting the page apart. Sentence by sentence, I rearranged pieces of paper across the floor while my world view shifted. I had to choose, before 3:30 pm the following day, whether I was an Old Testament follower or a New Testament Christian. It would have been easier to correctly attribute the eye for an eye jazz to whomever said it and let the first argument stand. But I couldn't. I salvaged what made sense and disposed of what didn't. And I began scribbling new notes, new reasoning, and the new rock upon which my new belief system would be built. Even 25 years later, my Facebook profile lists my religious view as "Some Benign Brand of Love Thy Neighbor Spirituality," which was borne of that revised essay.
Over the years I've disposed of all the Jesus stuff and have only kept the love and forgiveness and good will toward men (wink wink) parts of my upbringing. I believe in science. I feel we're at our best when we're good to one another. And I'm pretty sure that when we die, we die, so we'd best make a positive difference in the short time we're here.
I would like to think that I would have shed those stodgy (and often dangerous) principles sooner or later in life, but I love that this is how it happened. I so vividly remember perusing the good book to prove myself right, only to be stunned by the truth. I pieced together my new mindset from a puzzle of paper strips strewn about my living room.
Words hold so much power. I dealt with my divorce through writing way back when and it helped me grow in ways I cannot explain. And here I am again, looking to learn from myself and my words. It wasn't until I penned the About Me section today that I realized I'm on a quest to be just uncomfortable enough to become a better me. When I read what I'd written, I hesitated for a moment and almost deleted it, but I couldn't. Perhaps it's time for me to get the paper and scissors out again to figure out where I'm going this time.
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