And So It Ends...and/or Begins

It appears that our Rumspringa will end soon. We wandered from the familiar and will now consider those experiences to issue a verdict as to whether or not to return to one other. If we both come to the same decision, we are promising that we will do our damndest to remain connected for the long haul, that we plan to spend our lives together, grow old side by side, and leave one grieving when the other dies.  This is kind of a big deal.

The nearly six months we've been apart(ish) have been challenging and amazing. Personally, I have grown by leaps and bounds, grabbing my career by the horns, embracing friendships and fitness feats, and proving my worth to myself and my children. (I also cried a lot. And that's cool.) This version of me is stronger, smarter, and more independent than any previous model.

I'm fairly certain that I would not be the confident woman I am today if we had not separated. I was fearful and unhappy during those final months and I'm grateful to him for setting me free. I had not spent enough of my life alone to understand my potential. And I doubt we would have considered stepping into a permanent relationship without the break from one another. There were too many questions that only time apart could answer. 

Seems like the traditional way of permanent partnering (or the illusion thereof) starts with a few dates, grows into a relationship, then finally surrenders into a long-term something with little opportunity to explore the uncertainties that will inevitably crop up. It works for some, but not so much for many, many others.

In just a few days we will lay our cards on the table and declare our wishes for the future. And if this relationship does move into its final chapter, we will have both spent time exploring ourselves and others, weighing what we learned against what we know of our powerful love, and understand that ours is a partnership worth nurturing...for a long, long, long time.